Sexual Desire in Female : Myths, Facts, and What Science Says

The state of desire for sex is called libido. At the same time, when a woman is sexually aroused or thrilled, many emotional and physical changes occur in her. The woman's nerves, blood vessels, brain and hormones start working faster. Along with the changes in their thoughts and feelings, there are different changes in the vagina as well. This state is called sexual arousal.

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Every woman is different, so desires vary, but most women want emotional closeness, trust, and gentle affection from their partner. Many women desire to feel special, admired, and safe before opening up sexually. Women often fantasize about being wanted, loved deeply, and explored slowly. They may enjoy romantic situations, passionate kissing, gentle foreplay, or feeling fully present with their partner. Unlike men, for women the journey is more important than the goal — they enjoy the slow build-up, emotional bonding, and caring touch more than quick acts. Their desires are often emotional and sensual, not just physical.

Sexual desire in a woman is influenced by many factors, not just physical. Emotional connection, mental peace, hormonal balance, and relationship satisfaction all play a role. When a woman feels loved, cared for, respected, and emotionally connected to her partner, her desire to be intimate increases. Hormones like estrogen and testosterone also affect libido, especially during ovulation, pregnancy, or menstruation. Good physical health, stress-free life, and feeling attractive also improve desire. On the other hand, stress, tiredness, relationship problems, low self-esteem, or medical conditions like PCOS or depression can reduce sexual desire. So, for women, desire is a combination of mind, emotions, and body.

When a woman gets sexually aroused and has physical relations, many types of changes are seen. These symptoms can be as follows -

• The woman's pulse and heart rate increase and blood pressure also increases a little.
• The size of the breast may increase slightly.
• The vagina becomes wet to help lubricate the genitals.
• Due to high blood flow, some parts of the vagina, such as labia i.e. vaginal lips and clitoris, may swell slightly.
• The vaginal canal may expand a little.
• The nipples may become straight and hard.
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A girl’s or woman’s sexual desire usually becomes noticeable after puberty, but it is strongest in the mid to late 20s and early 30s. During this time, hormone levels like estrogen and testosterone are at healthy levels, and emotional maturity helps them understand and enjoy intimacy better. Some studies show women in their 30s feel more confident in their bodies and more open about what they want in sex. Ovulation (mid-menstrual cycle) also increases desire due to hormonal changes. However, desire can also increase during pregnancy, after falling in love, or during times of emotional closeness.

Hypersexuality means having an unusually high or uncontrollable sexual urge. If a girl is hypersexual, she may think about sex all the time, want frequent sexual activity, or may feel unable to control her desires. She might engage in risky or impulsive sexual behavior, such as having sex with strangers, watching porn excessively, or feeling anxious if not sexually active. But it’s important not to label someone just because they are open about sex. Only if it affects her daily life, relationships, work, or mental health, then it could be considered a problem, and professional help may be needed.

While physical attraction is important, most women deeply desire emotional safety, love, and connection. They want to be truly seen, understood, and valued — not just for their body but for who they are. A woman wants to feel desired, but also respected. She wants a partner who listens to her, supports her dreams, stands by her in difficult times, and makes her feel secure. In relationships, many women long for intimacy that goes beyond physical – one that includes mental bonding, shared laughter, trust, and care. When these emotional needs are fulfilled, her sexual desire naturally grows.

For most women, sexual desire peaks in their late 20s to early 30s. During this time, they are usually more confident, know their preferences, and feel more emotionally mature. Hormones also play a role, especially if they are physically healthy and emotionally satisfied. Some women even feel a second peak in desire in their 40s due to life stability, freedom from early parenting duties, and deeper understanding of their bodies. However, each woman is different — some may experience strong desire in their 20s, while others enjoy a better sex life later in life.

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The UK National Health Service has divided sexual arousal into 4 stages. The body goes through these 4 stages before, during and after sex. Let us know in detail about the four stages of female sexual arousal -

Excitement - In this stage, many physical changes take place in the woman's body. This stage helps the vagina to prepare for sex. For example, vaginal dryness ends, as lubricating fluid is produced in the glands. As the woman's blood vessels expand, there is a slight swelling in the vagina. Not only this, nipples can also become sensitive to touch.

Plato - The stage before orgasm is known as Plateau i.e. sexual elevation stage. During this time, the woman's excitement gradually starts increasing. In this stage, the vagina may tighten and more lubrication may be produced.

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Orgasm - Orgasm is often seen as the final stage of sex, but it doesn't have to be. It is entirely possible to have enjoyable sex without reaching orgasm. Muscle spasms may occur during orgasm, especially in the lower back and pelvic area. At this stage, a woman's vagina may become tight and more lubricated for sex. This stage is associated with feelings of excitement and pleasure.

Sex stability - After orgasm, a woman's muscles come into a relaxed mode and blood pressure also becomes completely normal. At this time, when a woman touches the clitoris, she may feel sensitive or mild pain. Once this stage is reached, it may be difficult for a woman to reach orgasm again.

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Dr. Rosemary Basson has proposed a modern understanding of women’s sexual desire, especially relevant in the context of long-term relationships. According to her model, women’s desire for sex often doesn't begin with a spontaneous urge. In the early phase of a relationship — often called the honeymoon period — sexual desire in women is usually strong due to the excitement of new love and emotional bonding. During this time, a woman naturally feels drawn to her partner, both emotionally and physically, which fuels her sexual interest.

However, over time, life’s daily demands — like work stress, household responsibilities, and emotional fatigue — can cause a noticeable decline in spontaneous sexual desire in many women.

Basson’s model emphasizes that many women approach sex from a place of emotional neutrality — they are not immediately sexually aroused, nor are they disinterested. Instead, sexual desire in women often emerges in response to emotional closeness and affectionate gestures. When a partner expresses love through touch, attention, and care, a woman may begin to feel emotionally safe and connected. This emotional intimacy can then spark sexual interest. As the physical interaction progresses — through touch, kissing, and closeness — her arousal builds gradually, eventually leading to sexual pleasure and satisfaction.

Unlike men, who may experience sexual desire more as a biological or physical need (such as to release stress), women often view sex as a source of emotional connection, comfort, and relational depth. For many women, sex is not just about physical pleasure, but about feeling loved, valued, and emotionally close to their partner.

Importantly, Basson’s model highlights that women’s sexual satisfaction does not always require orgasm. Emotional fulfillment, affection, and intimacy often provide the sense of satisfaction they seek from sex. This understanding is crucial, as it shifts the focus from a goal-oriented view of sex to one centered on emotional bonding and mutual understanding.

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Another study "Increasing women’s sexual desire: The comparative effectiveness of estrogens and androgens" compared the effectiveness of estrogens (specifically estradiol) and androgens (specifically testosterone) on women's sexual desire, especially in postmenopausal women. It was said that estradiol at adequate levels (such as the levels found in the middle of the menstrual cycle) has been found to be effective in increasing sexual desire in menopausal women. Apart from this, estrogen therapy improves vaginal health, which reduces discomfort during sexual activity and increases sexual desire.

Testosterone at normal (physiological) levels increases sexual desire in women and testosterone at high (supraphysiological) levels, especially in combination with estrogen therapy, can increase sexual desire. But according to this study - testosterone therapy is not the only solution to increase sexual desire in women, it can also have side effects.

Instead, estrogen therapy can be a safe and effective option to increase sexual desire.

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Sexual desire in women is a very different process. Along with physical hormonal activities, emotional and mental aspects also play an important role in it. Women also have a natural desire for sex, and in certain situations such as during ovulation, it can be more than in men. But, due to social pressure, family rituals, shame, women are often unable to express their sexual desires openly. On the contrary, when women feel a safe, emotionally connected and respectful relationship, their sexual desire can be very high and permanent.

Unlike animals, humans don’t have a clear “in heat” period. However, during ovulation (mid-cycle), some women naturally become more attractive — they may dress differently, feel more confident, or appear more flirtatious. This is due to hormonal changes that increase libido. A man may not consciously know when a woman is ovulating, but he might notice her subtle changes in behavior, voice, scent, or energy. Some studies suggest men may be subconsciously more drawn to women who are ovulating, but it’s not as obvious as in animals.

Unhealthy sexual behavior includes anything that harms you or others emotionally, physically, or mentally. It can include addiction to sex or porn, having unsafe sex with multiple partners, cheating in relationships, using sex to escape emotional pain, or forcing someone into sex. It also includes behavior that causes guilt, shame, or loss of control. If sex becomes an obsession or is used to harm, manipulate, or abuse, it’s considered unhealthy. In such cases, therapy or counseling can help understand the root cause and improve emotional well-being.

Sexual weakness in women is often referred to as low libido or female sexual dysfunction. This means a woman may have little or no interest in sex, may not feel pleasure, or may have difficulty becoming aroused. Causes can be physical (like hormonal imbalances, menopause, or medical conditions), psychological (like anxiety, depression, stress), or relational (like lack of trust, conflict, or poor communication). It’s not a sign of failure. With proper care — such as therapy, lifestyle changes, or medication — many women regain their sexual confidence and desire.

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Sexual feelings do not completely stop at any specific age. Women can enjoy sex well into their 50s, 60s, and beyond, as long as they are healthy and emotionally satisfied. Hormonal changes after menopause may reduce lubrication or desire, but emotional intimacy, touch, and love can keep sexual connection alive. In fact, many older women report better sex because they feel freer, more confident, and emotionally stable. Sexual desire may reduce with age, but it doesn’t disappear — it just changes form and may become more emotional than physical.

If a woman doesn’t feel sexual desire or interest, it can be due to several reasons. Emotional stress, relationship problems, past trauma, depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem can block feelings. Hormonal changes, especially during menopause, PCOS, pregnancy, or thyroid issues can also affect sexual feelings. Sometimes, medications like antidepressants reduce libido. If she doesn’t feel emotionally safe, loved, or respected in her relationship, her mind may block sexual feelings as a form of self-protection. Talking with a doctor or therapist can help find the root cause and provide solutions.

Today there are some medicines in medical science that help increase women's sexual desire (libido). Among these, two medicines are especially named - Flibanserin and Bremelanotide. Flibanserin is a medicine that affects the brain and not the hormones. It has been made to treat the problem in women when their desire to have sex is greatly reduced . This medicine works on the chemicals (neurotransmitters) of the brain and gradually increases sexual desire. Bremelanotide is another medicine which is given through injection. This medicine also helps in increasing sexual excitement in women, that is, it helps in making the woman feel interest and pleasure in sex.

But it is very important to keep in mind that these medicines should not be used without the advice of a doctor. Because they can also have some side effects, such as dizziness, nausea, feeling tired, etc. Therefore, these medicines should always be used under the supervision of an expert and with the right advice.

Patanjali Ayurveda provides some special medicines to increase sexual desire (libido) of women. Among these, Ashwagandha Churna, Shatavari Churna, Suvarna Prash and Divya Stree Rasayan Vati are prominent.

Ashwagandha and Shatavari are both natural herbs, which help in balancing the hormones of the body. They reduce stress, energize the body and gradually increase sexual desire.

Divya Stree Rasayan Vati contains a mixture of many herbs, which improves the reproductive system and overall strength of women. If these medicines are consumed in the right quantity and regularly, then positive changes can be seen in both the desire to have sex and the energy in the body of women.

But remember, it is not right to start any Ayurvedic medicine without consulting a Vaidya or a good Ayurveda specialist. Every woman's body is different, so the medicine and quantity should also be decided accordingly.

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The major medicines to increase libido in women in allopathy are 'Flibanserin' (brand name Addyi) and 'Bremelanotide' (brand name Vyleesi). Apart from this, some hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is also given, especially in women after menopause, which can improve sexual desire. Taking it with antidepressants can also increase sexual desire. The advantage of allopathic medicines is that they work accurately and quickly, but they can also have side effects like dizziness, nausea, changes in blood pressure, etc. Therefore, the medicine should be chosen only after proper diagnosis.

Medicines like 'Beej', 'Vidarikand', 'Kesar', and 'Musli' are used. These herbs correct the hormonal level by creating Vata-Pitta-Kapha balance in the body and increase sexual power. 'Shivlingi Beej' and 'Jivaniye Gana' are also useful in strengthening the reproductive system of women. A basic principle of Ayurveda is that libido is not just sexual energy but a result of overall health. Hence, it is best to take these medicines along with proper diet, routine, yoga, and meditation.

Homeopathy also has many remedies available to increase libido in women. Medicines like 'Sepia', 'Agnus Castus', 'Lycopodium', 'Pulsatilla', and 'Natrum Muriaticum' are commonly prescribed, which cures low libido not only due to physical but also mental and emotional reasons. Homeopathy helps balance the body naturally and brings gradual and permanent improvement without heavy side effects. The right medicine is chosen according to the person's mental state, physical symptoms and lifestyle, so consultation with an experienced homeopathic doctor is necessary.

Foreplay can be beneficial to increase sexual excitement. It is explained pointwise below -

• Talking lovingly with the female partner before sex increases sexual desire.
• Love can be expressed to the woman by holding her in your arms.
• You can kiss the female partner's lips, cheeks and neck.
• Touching the woman's nipples is also considered a part of foreplay.
• Touching the sensitive organs of the woman lovingly is also the right option.

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While no home remedy can guarantee instant arousal, some natural methods can help increase sexual desire and improve mood. Warm baths, relaxing massages, soft music, and emotional bonding can prepare the mind and body. Foods like dark chocolate, almonds, avocados, saffron, and watermelon are believed to boost blood flow and enhance mood. Drinking pomegranate juice or eating figs may help too. Creating a calm, loving environment, reducing stress, and spending quality time with your partner can act as natural arousal boosters. Arousal in women often begins in the mind — emotional closeness and relaxation are key.

Arousal refers to the physical changes in the body. This happens when a woman feels sexually active. Signs of sexual arousal are clearly visible in men, in the same way, signs of sexual arousal can also be seen in women. Signs of arousal in women include increased blood flow in the private parts, breast hardening, and a feeling of wetness in the vagina. To increase libido in women, first of all, it is important to strengthen emotional connection and mutual understanding because women open up sexually only when they feel emotionally safe. Apart from this, regular exercise, balanced diet and good sleep increases the body's energy and keeps the hormones balanced, thereby improving libido.